The Daily Gut
WEDNESDAY\'S GREGALOGUE: ON BEING PLUPERFECT - So here are some poll numbers that should scare the low-waisted chaps off Democrats. By a 50-42 margin, Ohio voters say they\'d rather have George W. Bush as President right now than Barack Obama. Also, among voters in Gallup weekly tracking of 2010 congressional preferences, Republicans lead by 51% to 41%. That lead is the largest since Gallup started tracking the stuff in the early 1500\'s! Now, there\'s a reason Bush looks good, but it has less to do with the man, than the media. Think about it: \"back then,\" you didn\'t have reporters calling you a dumb racist every time you ragged on the President! What makes Obama unpopular? For one: you can\'t disagree with him, without being called something bad. Check out Chris Matthews, the tingling mess who cannot fathom why no one is happy with Mr. Wonderful. <http://hotair.com/archives/2010/09/01/chris-matthews-how-can-people-not-like-a-president-whos-almost-pluperfect/> Okay..where to start... First, people can admire Obama and still disagree with his policies. I think he\'s a decent guy, and the best liberal president I\'ve seen. But I also can\'t stand him because he is the best liberal president I\'ve seen. Matthews can\'t see that it\'s about ideology, not race. Maybe he\'s the bigot! Look, concerning his unpopularity, Obama is the least surprised of all. He planned to lose friends from the start. What makes him smarter than Matthews: he knew America would hate his agenda. But the biggest fallacy in Chris\'s whine: that it\'s worse to make money than to community organize. How fun is it that while Matthews denigrates capitalists - he makes wads of cash denigrating capitalists! Fact is, financial motives help way more people than community work - which is often just political resume building anyway. Bill Gates has done way more for the poor than Obama will ever do - and he did it by pursuing his interests, not theirs. And if you disagree with me, you\'re a racist homophobe who should give me a back rub, but won\'t. Read More
WEDNESDAY\'S GUESTS! - Gregalogue to come! Read More
MONDAY\'S GREGALOGUE: HATEMONGERS - Sotoday I got a press release from something called Faith in Public Life. It begins: As hateful rhetoric and fear-mongering about the Park51 Islamic Center in lower Manhattan creates a growing climate of hate and violence toward American Muslims, prominent religious leaders and national security experts will join together ... to denounce growing Islamophobia and to urge the development of the New York community center-as a means of both protecting our nation and of upholding our American values of freedom, resilience, tolerance, and cooperation. At this point, I have to ask myself: am I hate monger? Is my mom afear monger?Does 70percent of America provide a combination of hate and fearmongering? I mean - when you\'re talking about people who have problems with the mosque - those are the people, you\'re talking about. So again I ask the folks who smugly dismiss mosque opponents: Do you believe that every single person against the mosque is a bigot? Because that\'s a massive number, and it includes me, my mom, many friends (from both sides of the political spectrum), also blacks, whites, Hispanics, Jews...evenMuslims. (But oddly, noGriffin lovers) So - again, are they all hateful bigots? Or...do you think some might have a legitimate reason for their opinion? Youknow it\'s true. In fact, you KNOW there\'s a legit reason for being pissed - but you ignore it. And I want to know why -cuz maybe you canconvince me I\'m wrong. See, we all agree with the right to pray wherever. If you want to build the mosque, fine. ButI can still say it\'s a jerky thing to do. Like I said, annoying someone is legal. But it still makes you annoying. But if your response is, \"Greg, you just don\'t like Muslims,\" then screw you. Instead of clinging to this bigotry meme in order to skirt debate, just meet me on a field of common sense - and who knows, you might win. And if you don\'t, you\'re a racist, homophobic islamophobic arachnophobe. Read More
MONDAY\'S GUESTS! - Gregalogue, to come! Read More
FRIDAY\'S GREGALOGUE: ISLAMOPHOBIA-PHOBIA! - So last nightI coined a new disorder, called Islamophobia-phobia, or fear of being labeled Islamophobic. As you already know, Islamophobia is defined as a fear of Muslims. So Islamophobia-phobia is areal fear of a perceived fear. So, who are the culprits behind the disease? Jackasses in the media. To quote a perceptive tweet by a dude whose handle is \"politics of fear:\" \"How can the media say were Islamophobic, when we all died from avian/swine flu?\" That\'s it, nutshell-wise. The fact is, there is no group more quick to judge, more prone to exaggerationor sensationalism than the media. They are the haymakers of hysteria. The litany of scares propagated by the media is so long, that if I were to list them, you would fall asleep, dropping your bong shaped like the head of Robert Bork. And, as always: anything the press says will decimate us, won\'t. Ever. So screw them when they accuse us of hysteria. They\'ve done this before with McCarthyism, jingoism, and tomboyism (a totally legitimate fear of tomboys). Here\'s why they do it: when hacks realize that a story has sped right past them - they mustcover their asses. So rather than play catch up, they turn on you. Hence, by missing the mosque story, they make the story about opponents of the mosque. And so, like ABC, you go undercover to a mosque protest - maybe to scrounge up evidence that Islamofear is sweeping the nation. When, really, the only thing sweeping the nation these days are sweepers. Without them, our floors would be covered with dust, crumbs, chunky pieces of fractured bone and clumps of scalp. But maybe that\'s just my house. And if you disagree with me, you\'re a racist islamophobic homophobe. Read More
FRIDAY\'S GUESTS! - gregalogue to come, if i can think of something (i can) Read More
THURSDAY\'S GREGALOGUE: THE SHRIMP AND THE WHALE - So roughly eight years ago, as President Bush was getting ready to golf, reporterspeppered him withquestions about suicide bombings in Israel. Holding his driver, the President said, \"There are a few killers who want to stop the peace process... and we must not let them. I call upon all nations to do everything they can to stop these terrorist killers.\" Then he said, without missing a beat: \"Thank you. Now watch this drive.\" What an idiot, right? Eh. Not so much, I think. See, this memory springs to mind (thanks to a Fox News producer), after hearing about our current President\'s outing at Nancy\'s, a waterfront restaurant in Oaks Bluff, Massachusetts. As President Obama walked toward the entrance, a few reporters tried to ask him about Iraq. After ignoring them for a bit, he turned and said, \"We\'re buying shrimp guys... C\'mon.\" And there you have it: one president who can play golf and talk terror - and one who needs his shrimp. Look I get the point: it\'s a vacation. And shrimp is delicious. But it can\'t be that hard to answer a simple question - especially one that\'s kinda important. I mean, if that dim bulb George Bush could do it, I think Obama could too. Granted, some say buying shrimp is harder than lining up a decent drive. Shrimp are small, slippery and they have those annoying shells on their tails. Frankly, I find them disgusting, and if I had my way, I\'d imprison all of them in tiny shrimp jails. You could say I am shrimpaphobic. And you\'d be right. Anyway, as Obama delicately sucks the meat out of a tiny crustacean, Vlad Putin harpoons a whale with a cross bow. I know that says something...about something. And if you disagree with me, you\'re a racist homophobe who stole my underpants. Read More
THURSDAY\'S GUESTS! - gregalogue to come! Read More
BONUS G-LOGUE: THE STABBING - So, since I wrote that last gregalogue, a New York cabbie was stabbed by a drunken man, who first askedthe driverif he was Muslim. So, how long before someonetakesthis horrible crime and links it to the mosque?Hooray forRachel Sklar, at Mediaite, who writes: Okay so: Anyone else sadly not surprised at a Muslim hate crime in New York City these days? The angerthat flared up at the anti-Mosque protest on Sunday sure looked like it could have led to something scary. Okay. Look:the criminal was super drunk and deranged. Unless you have proof that everyone against the mosque is also super drunk and deranged - then you\'re out of luck. And if this crime really reflected opinions of people with issues over the mosque, where is the outpouring of support for the creepy stabber? So far, it\'s being reported thatthe a-hole in questionmay have actually worked with a group (Intersections International)that strongly supports the mosque. Also: he wears wire-rimmed glasses justlike Richard Dreyfuss. But look, since 9/11, the media has been salivating in anticipation over \"backlash crimes.\" And by linking isolated, drunken violence to a contentious issue, theyhelp stifle opinions counter to their own. But it must drive them crazy, that,in a country of 300 million people, we don\'t act the way they would like us to. Well done America. Poo on you, media. And hope you get well, Mr. Cabbie. See you tonight, everyone else. Read More
WEDNESDAY\'S GREGALOGUE: THE RELIGION CALLED TOLERANCE - So A-Pwriter Allen Breed begins his recent mosque piece by defining the word, \"tolerance.\" It\'s a traditional rhetorical device, one learned back in sixth grade while plagiarizing the Encyclopedia Brittanica. His piece focuses on religion, of course, - but not Islam, Christianity or even my favorite, \"the universal life force of the Grand Unicorn.\" His all powerful religion? Tolerance. Of course, for him, tolerance can only play one way. As Yanks we must kneel before the alter of acceptance, while everyone else uses us as a footrest. I mean, I doubt Breed would MENTION tolerance to the mosque developers. Instead, true to the predictable mind grazing on hysterical cliches, he harkens back to the witch trials - the most overused example of intolerance ever - and one that probably deserved it. I mean, witches suck. Breed then quotes a reverend who says this is all due to a \"dominant religious lens factor\" - meaning, i guess, when one group thinks their religion is better than others. He knows this, since he\'s a wiccan minister, a practitioner of a cult populated by veiny spinsters with cats. I guess the writer wouldn\'t find an imam tolerant enough to grant him an interview. Or maybe he didn\'t look. After all, it would be a sign of intolerance to question the intolerant, especially when their intolerance is protected by tolerance! Instead, focus on us. We\'re nice people. We won\'t kill you. But look, intolerance is not the issue. Think about your pal who can have any girl he wants, but chooses to go after the girl dating you. There, tolerance, doesn\'t enter the equation. Being a jerk, does. And that\'s what this is all about. Tolerance now serves as a condom for jerks seeking protection from their own jerkiness. I\'d use it myself, but they don\'t make one in my size. And if you disagree with me, you\'re a racist homophobe who owes me thirty bucks. Read More
TUESDAY\'S GUESTS! - Gregalogue to come! Read More
THURSDAY\'S GREGALOGUE: DR. LAURA DUCKS OUT - So Laura Schlessinger is quitting radio, in order to regain her First Amendment Rights. This, after using the N-word repeatedly while arguing with a black woman on her show. Schlessinger apologized, but now says she\'s leaving. Now I don\'t get this. How can someone who made millionsspeaking her mind, now say she\'s quitting, so she can speak her mind? Bottom line: you can\'t get a better gig for exercising yourfreedom of speech- than getting a fat check every time you exercise it! For me,it\'s like getting paid to shop for unicorn figurines! So that\'s kinda stupid. But I will say this - she\'s getting heat for doing what others do -who suffer no consequences. Take Louis C.K., the brilliant male comedian. He kicked off a cable special with a bit in which he says the \"n-word\" over and over. Now, maybe before he tookit public, he ran it by Chris Rock. Or maybe hemade sure the audience wasn\'t one that would kill him afterwards. Anyway, he gets a pass cuz he\'s a comic andfunnier than crap. Now Laura has none of the good faith that C.K. has. Mainly because she\'s a conservative who rails against the touchy feeling culture that created so many spineless men and messed up women. For that, she\'s been more right than wrong. But when she\'s wrong, boy is she ever. This current mess is an example. Finally, this thing reminds me of the mosque thing. In both cases, people are obsessing over constitutionality - instead of common sense. Common sense tells you that using the n-word - even in some sort of \"context\" - is thoughtless. Common sense also tells you building a mosque near Ground Zero is thoughtless, too. And so there you have it: I was able to link the Dr. Laura flap to the mosque. For that, I should get tomorrow off. And if you disagree with me, you\'re the racist homophobe whostole my woodland creature chess set. Read More
THURSDAY\'S GUESTS! - GREGALOGUE TO COME! Read More
WEDNESDAY\'S GREGALOGUE: OF MOSQUES AND MORONS - So on last night\'s show,we discussed theGround Zero mosque\'s Twitter account. After releasing some mildly sarcastic tweets, themosque developersannounced they were dumping \"the interns\" on the account, and bringing in \"a new team.\"Didn\'t know you needed \"a team\" to write \"just sayin!\" Anyway, here\'s some background. Last Tuesday, after my gay bar proposal went public, I called the mosque to talk to them about it. I called everyone from the developers to their PR consultant Oz Sultan. No response. So I tweeted them (I think they had three followers). I got a curt response, saying I wasn\'t respecting their sensibilities. And then the fun began. Their tweets started including stale catch phrases like \"just sayin\" and \"fail.\" It read like a closed-captioned \"Head of the Class\" rerun. There was even a nod to Olbermann - to geta lefty seal of approval. But thenTweetiemade jokes about the Amish and a Jewish paper... and was removed. And there you have a perfect example of the mosque\'s \"communication\" outreach. And by pristine, I mean poopy. I only tweeted thembecause they wouldn\'t respond elsewhere. And then when the tweeter responded, he got yanked. This is not building bridges. Or building dialogue. It\'s not even a bridge of dialogue. It\'s more a bidet of baloney. So, as host of Red Eye, I\'m officially offering the mosque tweeter a job at my gay bar. Not sure what that job will be yet -but you can bet the uniform will involve some sort of mesh. Cuz it\'s holy. Totally related:check out how Norah O\'Donnell, on MSNBC\'s Morning Joe characterizes anyone who opposes the mosque. Somebody\'s got to say that, \"We\'re not going to act like the people who stole freedom from Americans, the people who attacked America and killed 3,000 people. Soas I understand it - because I think it\'s rude to build a mosque near Ground Zero, I\'m just like the dude who left a crater downtown. If she wasn\'t so hot, I\'d be pissed. Meanwhile, Captain AngrypantsNancy Pelosi says she wants to investigate those who are against the building of the mosque. How funny is it she\'d rather look at that \"funding,\" rather than the funding behind the mosque. I guess, in Pelosi\'s pinball eyes, the real bad guy is the average American who finds the mosque distasteful. But hey,with the left: it\'s never them, it\'s alwaysus. Anyway, let her investigate me. All she\'s going to find are some unicorn stencils, a bag of edible glitter and an original pressing of \"I Am What I Am,\" by Gloria Gaynor. It\'s signed. And if you disagree with me, you\'re a racist homophobe who won\'t buy me a banana daiquiri. Read More
WEDNESDAY\'S GUESTS! - gregalogue, to come! Read More
TUESDAY\'S GREGALOGUE: WHEN MUSLIMS MAKE FUN OF THE AMISH - So last night on the show, Andy Levy pointed out that the person representing the Ground Zero mosque on Twitter made a few jabs at the Amish. This is what the Tweeter tweeted: Amish saying stop Muslims?1. What are you doing on the computer? 2. That\'s not very Amish 3. Shouldn\'t you be making butter? Later, that tweet was deleted. Which is a shame, because it didn\'t have to go. See, the Mosque folks don\'t understand that here in America you can make fun of any religion yes, even the Amish and angry followers won\'t throw acid in your face or behead you in front of a tripod. And, as primitive as the Amish are, they won\'t even stone you to death for adultery. But the tweeting Park51 can be forgiven: maybethey thought the Amish might head out from Lancaster County and fly a buggy straight into their building. Don\'t worry, \"Parky:\" they wouldn\'t get the horses through the Lincoln Tunnel. Anyhoo, that\'s my point. We all make Amish jokes, because we can. They are nice people. The worst thing they ever did was deal meth and in parts of rural PA, that\'s almost considered a civic duty (I kid the rural PA-ers). Meanwhile, after I made my proposal to open a gay Muslim bar next to the mosque I was warned by friends, coworkers and deli managers that I\'d end up dead. Who knew so many people hated the Pet Shop Boys? But it is certainly rich for the folks behind the mosque to poke fun of a religion for eschewing modern convenience. After all, the Amish are beyond advanced when compared to the most ardent followers of Islam. Remember, the Amish do not demand that the world to return to a period when its prophet lived a time when more people died during childbirth than from old age. But hey - at least these Mosque-eteers at Park51 can make fun of the Amish. Maybe later, they can make fun of themselves. And if you disagree with me, you\'re a racist homophobe who stole my pants. Read More
TUESDAY\'S GUESTS! - Gregalogue to come! Yeah, it\'s about the mosque. Read More
MONDAY\'S GREGALOGUE: THE MICKEY MOSQUE CLUB - So last week President Obama backed the Ground Zero mosque - a reflection, he says, of our commitment to religious tolerance.Butlater he barfed... \"I was not commenting and I will not comment on the wisdom of making the decision to put a mosque there. I was commenting very specifically on the right people have that dates back to our founding. That\'s what our country is about. And I think it\'s very important as difficult as some of these issues are that we stay focused on who we are as a people and what our values are all about.\" So when the chips are down, Barack Obama is less a President than a lawyer, carefully parsing out manicured statements, designed to straddle fences. It sucks - because he could have done something awesome. We already get that Muslims have the same rights as we do - and that makes us great, etc. But Obama should have added what really makes us great: we\'re not jerks. We have good manners. We think the mosqueisn\'t illegal, but it is stupid. If he had said to the mosque-teers, \"knock it off guys,\" he would have been a hero. But he can\'t do that - largely because of fear - not of Islamic rage, but accusations of Islamophobia. The fear of appearing insensitive is driving our government\'s behavior, which scares the crap out of me. Funny how we are asked to tolerate an ideology that would end our ability to tolerate, period. Sharia Law is not a new cop show on USA Network. Instead, by saying his support reflects our nation\'sreligious tolerance, Obama suggests the rest of us are religious bigots. Worse, he avoids appealing to common sense, and reveals America\'s true vulnerability. The Mosque developers know this. It\'s why they\'ve embraced the progressive word of the decade: tolerance. They are demanding that we tolerate a doctrine that enforces intolerance. And if you don\'t tolerate intolerance, then you, in fact, are intolerant. You are a bigot, for rejecting bigotry. If Obama had balls, he would have paired his mosque endorsement with a condemnation of Sharia Law, of terror groups like Hamas, and then asked the mosque developers to consider Americans who lost family and friends on 9/11. But they don\'t teach that crap at Harvard Law. And if you disagree with me you\'re a racist homophobe. Read More
MONDAY\'S GUESTS! - Gregalogue to come, including a bar update! Read More
FeedBox by Magic RSS